WHC Shortverses Crystalline Kukai
Judge: Denis M. Garrison
Maryland, USA
In
July 2001, members of WHCshortverses enjoyed Denis Garrison's
Crystalline Workshop which was topped off by the first WHC
Crystalline Kukai, another historical event for haiku-analogue.
Denis is the editor of the TemplarPhoenix
online e-journals, Haiku
Harvest, Haiku
Cycles, Ku
Nouveau and Saijiki-X.
First Place
This hot summer night,
the ever-moving stars above your face and mine.
Maria Steyn
Judge's Notes: This beautiful couplet is a perfectly realized irregular crystalline. The stillness of deep summer is
emphasized by the contrasting motion of the stars. The context evokes a diamantine sky filled with millions of stars. The
summer stillness evokes a strong sense of waiting, of expectation, and yet of repose, for the couple. The diction is
completely natural and subtly rhythmic, and the slant rhyme adds to the euphony of the verse. Exquisite!
Second Place
Heat lightning in the distance;
feeling the bones beneath your fragile skin.
Marjorie Buettner
Judge's Notes: This slightly irregular crystalline is both beautiful and powerful. While unrhymed, the internal resonances
of the verses give a similar effect. (N.B. I read "fragile" with a long-I vowel sound, fra-jyle.) The diction is entirely
natural and unaffected. The couplet operates on at least two levels. The literal level is a lovely, almost nostalgic, image
of late day during the heat of summer, spent with a dear one (surely so, as they are touching). The next level is both
powerful and threatening: the lightning's threat evokes the inescapable threat of mortality,
intimated most evocatively
here, which is both specific to the one person and also universal. What an unforgettable couplet!
Third Place
Caressing winds help me to slough
the skin of thick clothes and cold reserve.
Florence Vilén
Judge's Notes: This is a lovely regular crystalline, notable for its straightforward
syntax, completely natural diction.
This is an important feature as the couplet contains a conceit, i.e., a fanciful metaphor: the skin of clothes and reserve. The
two features balance one another. The couplet is very symmetrical, not only in
the balanced content, but in the first
and last words which express the ends of a spectrum of the poet's response. Albeit a very gentle poem, it is quite comic
in its image of an uptight person throwing reserve and clothes to those caressing winds. It is endearing, at least to those of
us who can identify with the persona and the impulsive surrender to the summer winds. The choice of "the" instead of "my" for
beginning the second line subtly shows how the persona disassociates from her/his own reserve. Both lovely and funny -
a wonderful crystalline!
Honorable Mention
Clouds inside the garden wall
slide around and around a gazing ball.
Debra Woolard Bender
Judge's Notes: This slightly irregular rhymed crystalline gives us
an image of the gazing ball in a summer garden with the
clouds and sky wrapped around it like a miniature heavens. The ball brings the overhead clouds down into the light-flooded
garden and captures them for the enjoyment of the gardener. The carefully chosen diction -- "garden wall ... gazing ball," "around and around" -- concretize
the circling clouds; a real
"objective correlative" success and wonderfully mnemonic.
Honorable Mention
Still seeing your face in winter dreams
my summer friend, do you miss me?
Carol Raisfeld
Judge's Notes: This regular crystalline evokes nostalgia as well as loss. The poet
also manages to use a question without
running afoul of the usual forced diction that so often accompanies the interrogative form. What is not said in this
poem is as important as what is said: this archetypal plaint of summer relationships can be
read many ways depending
on what the reader brings to it. A lovely couplet.
Honorable Mention
Awakened from dreams of snow angels
by the rattle-whirr of a fan.
Semi (Terrie Relf)
Judge's Notes: This regular crystalline attracts us through the power of
recognition of a common experience. The rude awakening
is supported by the sharp change in rhythm from line 1 to line 2. I like the unique onomatopoeic fan
noise - it works for me -
I have heard that rattle-whirr. This is a fine comic verse.
Honorable Mention
We stand alone on different shores -
This ebb and flow of my heart, of yours.
Dina E. Cox
Judge's Notes: This regular crystalline, while less explicitly so, also deals with
summer relationships. It is notable for its
musicality, enhanced by the end rhyme, and for its symmetricality. I especially like the economy of the diction,
allowing substantial content within seventeen syllables. Really lovely!
I want to thank these fine poets for sharing their beautiful verses with us, and all
the poets who participated in the WHCshortverses Crystalline Kukai. It has been a
distinct honor and
pleasure working with you, my fellow poets, in the Crystalline Workshop. You all have been most kind and your interest in this new poetic form
has been very gratifying. I sincerely hope that
you will continue to write in this form and develop it beyond its present form. It is my humble opinion that the
crystalline
is a way, at least it is one of several, in which the haiku spirit can live
n traditional English verse. I hope that time
proves it to be so.
Best wishes always!
Denis Garrison
Ku Nouveau http://templarphoenix.5u.com/kunouveau/ http://templarphoenix.5u.com/kunouveau/
Denis Garrison, Editor
Haiku Harvest, Ku Nouveau (Co-Editor),
http://templarphoenix.5u.com/
Haiku
Cycles, Saijiki-X
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