When
WHC's Shiki Masaoka Celebrations for the year 2001 were announced on
WHChaikuforum, a challenge was issued to members to study Shiki, compose essays
about the great man and also to write poetry after his style. How best, then,
could a poet who does not understand Japanese language come to understand
Shiki's haiku and copy his fashion, at least by using English translations and
references? It is one thing to use Shiki's technique of shasei, "to sketch
from life," but quite another to write "after" Shiki's own work
to come to deeper knowledge understanding of his "style."
The
idea occurred to treat Shiki's haiku in a similar fashion as an artist or art
student would study and copy masterworks in a museum. A major difference, of
course, would be that a poet could not simply copy an original haiku or
translated version word for word. However, s/he could study a translated
Japanese haiku in one or more versions, hopefully with along with the original
in romaji. History and commentary, when available, would afford further
information. Then a process of dissection could be implemented to discover
elements, structure, essence and relationships; poetry, music and meanings. This
would also entail appreciating the poem from a variety of angles: kansho. Once
the form, style and content of a poem had been examined, an attempt could be
made to write a "studio haiku" after the "master haiku,"
drawing upon what has been understood through the study and kanso.
The
Master Haiku:
yukuaki
no ware ni kami nashi hotoke nashi
with advancing autumn
I am without gods
without Buddha
Masaoka Shiki
[translated
by Kimiyo Tanka]
The
Studio Haiku:
whispering
leaves
of the autumn wind I ask
where God is hidden
DWB
So began a
"sketchbook" with the poems of Shiki and the author's student
"copies." Later, masterful and favorite haiku by others would be
included. This process has proved a valuable tool toward the study and
understanding of haiku construction, history and haiku poets. Hopefully it will
lead toward a betterment of quality in the student's haiku. It is toward the
same ends that this exercise is recommended to haiku poets, novice or seasoned.
The
Master Haiku:
The
old cat sprawls out
in a ray of sun, then turns
into a kitten.
James W. Hackett1
The
Studio Haiku:
The
kitten stretches
across my chest, turning
me into her mother.
DWB
A kansho of a haiku by Suzuki Masajo with a studio haiku by the author:
The
Master Haiku:
renjoh
ni uchikachi-gataki hitoe kana
Masajo
Suzuki
Ginza, Tokyo, JP
thin
summer kimono –
ah, I cannot
for the life of me resist:
this burning love for him
(Version
by Susumu Takiguchi)2
The
Studio Haiku:
evening
swim -
even the ocean cannot resist
pulling us closer
DWB
The
Kansho (appreciation)
Masajo
is writing about a love affair. The kimono she is wearing, being thin, is
suggestive of light silk clinging to her figure. Not only sensual, it also
suggests coolness, or trying to stay cool by what one wears. It is summer, a
time of burning heat. She compares the kigo, "summer kimono," to the
burning of her passionate love for "him". Interpreted from a woman's
point of view: Even though she's trying to remain cool and composed and not even
think about her lover, she finds herself filled with desire.
From
reading Fire,
Beauty and Haiku: Life, Love and Poetry of Suzuki Masajo2
by Susumu Takiguchi, it appears that that Masajo may have written
this haiku while she was married but fallen into an affair with the great love
of her life. And so, perhaps she was trying to resist her feelings because she
was married. Having a love affair may be fulfilling, but it is not really the
acceptable or moral thing to do. She might have been feeling a conflict between
desire for her lover and duty toward her husband.
What
makes it work and appeal? (from the dissection/study)
1.)
kigo: "summer kimono" is perfect to indicate the summer heat, her
woman's body/figure, and a need to stay cool. She is "dressed" but in
the next two lines, she is revealed -- she has opened up her inner self, as if
naked, showing her hidden desire. The choice of images combined with the
kigo seem flawless and exquisite.
2.)
the use of comparison: heat of summer (implied by her kimono) to burning
love.
3.)
"thin" - I don't know if this word is a translation, or a description
of a summer kimono's fabric. On another level (layer), the implication could be
drawn that her resistance to her lover is also thin. Her coolness and composure
is even a "thin veil" over her true feelings. Anyone can "see
right through" her.
4.)
the strength of this phrase, at least as translated as English: "Ah, I
cannot for the life of me resist". In the same way as there is no escape
from the summer heat, she cannot resist her burning love for him. She is saying
"I'd rather die than be without him" - he's become her life, or the
focus of all she thinks and does.
About
the Studio Verse:
The
studio verse borrows the season and theme of love in the idea of attraction and
resistance, apparent in the English version Masajo's haiku. By "evening
swim" the study verse indicates summer: hot weather - hot enough to take a
swim at night. "Swim" is a Japanese summer kigo.
Here
though, is a twist to an "opposite" from the master poem: Instead of a
burning summer day, the studio haiku depicts a hot summer evening in ocean
water's coolness. The speaker would be swimming in the ocean with a partner.
Although they are separated as they swim, the force of the ocean's tide pulls
them together. By using the word, "even," there is an implication that
there are other things which pull the lovers closer as well. This is meant to
parallel, in effect, the strength of the Masajo version's "for the life of
me...". A touch of humor underlies the scene: Even though the two are apart
as they swim together, staying cool as can be, there is an underlying force, a
tide that keeps drawing them closer. "Even the ocean cannot resist"
uniting them, which becomes an internal metaphor: The lovers cannot resist the
force of their feelings for each other.
When
dissecting a haiku, look for structural elements which define the poem. Kenneth
Yasuda, in "The Japanese Haiku," defines three elements to determine
the object [subject of the haiku] and its location in time and space:
"where," what" and "when," - understanding that it is
the relationship between these three which constitute the experience within a
haiku, "necessary to make it meaningful and alive."3
The
Master Haiku:
Only
the gate
of the abbey is left
on the winter moor.
Masaoka Shiki
[translator
unknown]
Where? on
the / moor
What? only the gate of the abbey
When? winter
The
Studio Haiku:
A
few fenceposts
remaining in the old field
summer drought
DWB
Honorable Mention, "World-wide Shiki Poems Contest"
World
Haiku Review, Vol. 1, Issue 1, May 2001
Where? in
the old field
What? A few fenceposts remaining
When? [during] summer drought
Ask
yourself a variety of questions: Are any recognizable poetic techniques used
(alliteration, refrain, riddle, contrast, comparison, allusion, reference,
etc.)? Is there rhythm, cadence? Is it traditional or non-traditional? (You may
need to have a romaji version, reference books and commentaries to determine
such properties when working from a translation.)
The
Master Haiku:
Massugu
na michi de samishii
Santoka
a)
Since the road I'm taking is straight and has no turning, I feel lonely.
(Literal
translation from Takashi Nonin)4
b)
Since this is a straight road, I feel lonely
(Version by Susumu Takiguchi)5
c)
Only a straight road is in front of me, it makes me lonely
(translator
unknown)
The
Studio Haiku:
Because
of a thousand leaves, I feel lonely
DWB
When
appreciating haiku (kansho), ask yourself what feelings, thoughts and images
arise when reading the poem silently and aloud? What is the theme, ambience or
mood of the haiku? Is there certain style particular to the master haijin? How
do the words relate with each other to form meanings or layers of meanings? Are
there hidden layers? Underlying metaphors? What is not written or what is
implied or what is waiting to be disclosed? What do you discover or rediscover
in the haiku? About the poet? About yourself? How do you relate to the poem?
Where does it take you? What is the appeal which makes this haiku outstanding to
you?
The
Master Haiku:
1)
umi
ni dete kogarashi kaeru tokoro nashi
Yamaguchi Seishi
blowing itself over the sea,
there's no place for winter wind
to go
back
(version
by Susumu Takiguchi)6
The
Master Haiku:
2a)
A winter wasp
with nowhere to die
goes stumbling on
Murakami Kijo (1865~1938)
(translated by
Koko Kato & David Burleigh)
7
2b)
