VERBLESS HAIKU: OK or NO-NO?
Some of you have expressed a concern that haiku without verbs are considered
less admirable or worthy than haiku that use verbs, or are even against the
"rules." I've never heard of a "rule" that says every haiku
must contain a verb. If such a rule ever did exist, it is one of those that has
"come and gone."
It will be helpful to clarify what is meant by "verbless haiku." When
I use the term "verb" by itself I am referring to A VERB FORM THAT
FUNCTIONS AS A VERB. In other words, it is in the part of a haiku that
is in sentence form.
A sentence, whether in prose or verse, contains a subject and a predicate.
"Predicate" is the term for the part of a sentence that contains the
verb and includes the verb's objects, complements, and adverbial modifiers. If a
haiku contains a sentence, you can be sure it uses a verb.
A haiku may contain a verb form that functions as something OTHER THAN A VERB,
such as a noun or adjective. But if it does not also contain a verb form that
functions as a verb, then I consider the haiku to be verbless.
Two examples of haiku that contain a predicate (and therefore a verb):
diving board
she measures the end
with her feet
|
The second part
(the body) of Cindy's poem from the Summer Kukai is in sentence form.
"Measures" is an active verb, the subject "she" is
performing the action. "End" is the direct object of the
verb/action. So "measures the end with her feet" is the
predicate.
end of an illness
the pond is lively
with tadpoles
|
"Is" is
a linking verb. "Lively" is the subject complement, and describes
the subject. "Is lively with tadpoles" is the predicate.
More verbless
haiku from Hibiscus exercises:
damp hair
the faint scent
of marigolds
Cindy Tebo
Kansas, US
spring storm
the speed of swallows
with the wind
|
Note: "Speed" is a noun.
spring thunder--
from the center of a pine stump
a pine
naia
California, US
THE HERON'S NEST
Vol. III, No. 7 - September 2001
against my cheek
the rough bark
of a live oak
Maleti (Mary
Lee McClure)
US
spring moon
the scent of you
so near
Marjorie
Buettner
Minnesota, US
pine grove:
the cooling touch
of shadows
|
Note: "Cooling" is an adjective.
a familiar voice
through the screen door
last summer's friend
Carol Raisfeld
New York, US
|
Each of the next three verbless haiku contain a participial phrase.
A participial phrase uses present participles (the "ing" form of the
verb) or past participles (ending in d, ed, n, en, or t) in a phrase that
describes something--therefore, while the phrase contains a verb form, it does
not function as a verb. Instead, it always functions as an adjective.
oak leaves
uncurling in this heat wave
my new hairdo
|
"Uncurling in
this heat wave" describes the oak leaves and functions as an adjective.
setting sunlight
spread across the sidewalk
green maple chaff
|
"Setting"
is an adjective. "Spread across the sidewalk" functions as an
adjective, describing the sunlight. As it is a pivotal line, it could also
describe the maple chaff.
While preparing this lesson, I studied the latest issue of an eminent haiku
journal, paying particular attention to the presence or lack of verbs in
the poems. Out of the total number of fifteen poems that appear on the
first three pages of haiku, I found only three poems that contain a verb form
functioning as a verb! It will be interesting to similarly research other
leading haiku publications.
SMOOTH FLOW, ARTICLES, & LINE ORDER
"Flow of language" is an important topic in the study of haiku.
Often beginning haiku writers are confused by guidelines that give instructions
to "be brief and leave out all unnecessary words," and at the same
time urge us to "keep a natural rhythm and flow." Confusion when
attempting to simultaneously heed both admonitions can produce results such as
these:
a burning field
a vulture hangs steady
in the warm thermal
field
vulture hangs
in hot air
beside a mountain spring--
the gourd dipper rests
on a flat stone
spring
gourd dipper
on stone
the lambing begins--
the gentle music of rain
tapping on a stovepipe |
When reworking those poems to sharpen and strengthen them as
haiku, I must keep this guideline in mind: Every word in a haiku
should be essential; that is, if a word is removed or
changed, the haiku as a whole will be affected. Say you have
written a haiku and are wondering whether you can improve it. One of the
things you can do is to literally look at each word and ask yourself if its
removal will affect the haiku in an undesirable way. Will its removal
diminish clarity, change the meaning, or disrupt the rhythm or flow? If
the answer is "no," then my bet is that you can safely remove that
word.
a burning field
a single vulture hangs steady
in the warm thermal |
I can safely pare that to this:
burning field
a vulture hangs steady
in the thermal |
This next one is
too full:
beside a mountain
spring--
the gourd dipper is lying
on a flat stone |
but this
pares it too much:
spring
gourd dipper
on stone |
I want readers to
know that the setting is in the mountains, and I prefer to keep the focus on the
dipper and its relationship to the spring. It is not important to the
haiku that the stone is flat; however, by removing not only the verb but all
prepositions AND articles as well, I have turned it into something worse than
"Tarzan-speak." I need to back up and leave in those words
that lend rhythm and smooth flow:
mountain spring
the gourd dipper
lying on a stone |
Note:
"Lying on a stone" is a participial phrase that functions as an
adjective, and modifies (qualifies the meaning of) "dipper.
Can this be
written more concisely and with smoother flow?
the lambing
begins--
the gentle music of rain
tapping on a stovepipe |
"The" at
the beginning doesn't do anything for the haiku; "begins" is not
necessary and doesn't add anything of value, since "lambing" by itself
is a spring kigo. And now that dash no longer seems vital.
"Music" is enough without the addition of "gentle," which
seems like padding. "Tapping" is superfluous; it is not
necessary to say that the rain is tapping. Readers will know that on their
own. I ask myself whether removing "the" will affect the reading
as a whole:
lambing
music of rain
on a stovepipe |
Yes, for me it
does. Its absence makes a subtle change; now the haiku does not focus
enough on the *sound* of the rain. Only a subtle difference, but I make
the call to keep it in:
lambing
the music of rain
on a stovepipe |
Hmm. I wonder if an ellipsis after "lambing" would be effective
. . . ? And so it goes as the haiku poet strives for concision and smooth
flow, carefully weighing every word and mark of punctuation.
