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WHCtournament
- Match 1 - Renku
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| April,
Match 1: Judges' Renku Selections with Comments |
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Judges: Janice
Bostok (AU), Ferris Gilli (US), Yasuomi Koganei (JP), Michael McClintock (US),
Susumu Takiguchi (UK).
I. untitled renku by Seven Samurai
Match 1 - Session 4 - April 2002 Renku
spring wind
blowing mares' tails and clouds
along the ridge
spring - Judge, Janice Bostok
blue wildflowers
on both sides of the fence
spring - paul m
from the kitchen
that Joni Mitchell song
about a tattoo
non-seasonal - Mark Brooks
an origami box
for Halloween candy
autumn - Alan J Summers
the prisoner's
cell window
frames the moon
autumn moon - Billie Wilson
quick prayers before
he chops turtle heads
non-seasonal - Fay Aoyagi
my clothes
still damp from
yesterday's swim
summer - Linda Robeck
a trace of aftershave
on her silk blouse
love - DeVar Dahl
after our reunion
we visit each other
every weekend
love - Mark Brooks
another spark flies up
the chimney flue
winter - paul m
sunlight
on a bird
on the rooftop
11 non-seasonal - Alan J Summers
as the cherry bough
drops its first petals
12 spring - [blossom] Billie Wilson
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Judge's Comments on untitled
Judge: Janice Bostok
This renku, in only twelve verses has managed to develop into a
delightful glimpse into the world of nature and human life. The links are
subtle, but strong. One example is the origami box for Halloween candy and
the prisoner's cell window framing the moon. The love verses are suitably
followed by a spark flying up from the chimney! The twelfth verse leaves us with
the conclusion to this wonderful view of the world, and as with cherry blossom
viewing, there comes the time when the first petal drops, and it is over for
another season.
Judge: Michael McClintock
I very much enjoyed the way this renku moves, the blending and
contrasting of its imagery, and its appeal to all the senses in ways surprising
and delightful. It is less ornate in its language, compared to the competing
renku; the language here is more relaxed, unforced or effusive.
Judge: Ferris Gilli
As this renku has no title, for my own purposes of
identification, I will call it "Turtle Heads." The renku offers a
variety of personal pronouns, topics and locations. The linking in "Turtle
Heads" is accessible without being too overt, and the shifts are
strong.
Although #9 might somewhat link to #5, I can overlook it, as the
imaginative unexpectedness of #6 is wonderful. It is a plus that the
verses following the hokku are not cut (their uncut form also enforces the sense
of continuation). The ageku compliments the hokku and is a fitting conclusion,
with the traditional cherry blossoms
shifting well away from #10, while seeming to complete the observation that was
begun in #11.
Judge: Paul MacNeil
These players show fine facility with language and shifts to varied, original
topics. The stanzas read well and are not broken or "cut" as
serial haiku. Rules as such were not provided, but Team #2 has made many
obeisances to traditional renku form and practice.
The 4 seasons are represented, as Master Basho taught. Most
12-tone renku do not begin and end in the same season as this one does. The 9th
stanza is weak. There are perhaps too many verses with kigo, and probably two
flowers are too much in so a short form. To their credit, traditional topics are
included such as "love," "moon" and "blossom."
Most of the linking is inventive and fun to read - especially verses 2 through 5
II. Fond Names by the Shichifukujin
Match 1 - Session 4 - April 2002 Renku
............spring wind
............blowing mares' tails and clouds
............along the ridge
Judge, Janice Bostok
............tied to the tree
............streamers with fond names
semi
............fishermen
............in the corner pub
............all about their catch
Betty Kaplan
............breaks in a new mitt
............home run dreams
Judith Gorgone
............a giant wafer
............in a heavenly chalice
............full moon
Judith Gorgone
............long night
............let me read his love letter
Eiko Yachimoto
............a song opens
............elixir's fragrance
............desired by you
Mary Angela Nangini
............rose water
............with each new bud
Karina Klesko
............on the mantel
............a great grandmother
............holds a baby
Betty Kaplan
............a ring of eight gems
............watch from the web
Michael Baribeau
............what is happening...to
............the Nativity site
............rain of shells
Eiko Yachimoto
............waiting for year god
............kadomatsu
Karina Klesko
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