sun and wind
in fresh-laundered shirts
we set out walking
Judge, Michael McClintlock
sandpiper tracks
fill with the foamy sea
Hortensia Anderson
from her high-chair
the baby shows us how
to blow milk
bubbles
Karma Tenzing Wangchuk
in a stubble field
all the cows are asleep
an'ya
the janitor
watches the moon pass
from window to window
Gary Steinberg
will the U.S. embargo
against Cuba ever end?
Carmen Sterba
at a pawn shop
the perfect notes
of a tarnished
sax
John Wisdom
ice skate blades reflect
red satin
ribbons
ito
spray painted
beneath the overpass
'Jesus loves
Lavonne'
Gary Steinberg
although the ink has faded
a faint perfume
lingers
Karma Tenzing Wangchuck
a broken branch
by the village gate
sprouts oak
blossoms
an'ya
tea pickers return as light
recedes on distant
peaks
Carmen Sterba
Click
here for more information and profiles of these authors
Judge's Comments on out
walking
Judge Ferris Gilli
The renku "out
walking" has lively linking with an interesting variety of subjects and
admirable shifting. There is a pleasing blend of nature and
humanity. I always look for back-linking and repetition, and if there is
any back-linking here, I did not catch it, which is a large plus.
I do feel that the ink in #10
is too similar to the spray paint in #9, but I don't consider that it is an
unforgivable flaw, as the renku has overall strength and appeal.
The verses following the
hokku are uncut, and I am giving extra credit for that. The love, moon, and
flower verses work well for me, and I appreciate the inclusion of religion and
current events.
The ageku is a subtle nod to
the hokku, as someone begins the walk in the first verse and "returns"
in the last verse. The renku journey that begins with fresh, brisk steps
ends on a gentle note, at the close of day. A satisfying read!
Judge Yasuomi Koganei
Renku of the radish team tells a wider world than the other.
Judge Michael McClintock
Wonderful linking and
movement, a variety of memorable images delivered in a
variety of styles, coming closest to achieving that necessary aesthetic
wholeness in its many parts.
Judge Paul MacNeil
This renku is a fine work, well balanced between season and "no
season" verses. The players progress through the seasons and write of
love, moon, and "blossom." In addition to this proper deference
to traditional ingredients, there is a fine flow to diverse topics, and
senses.
Another aspect of the writing
that flows is shown in the stanzas themselves. The subjects and their
description read linearly with few pauses and no haiku-like "cuts" or
major breaks. In this way, the shifts are accentuated as one stanza leads
smoothly to another. There are weaknesses.
Occasional obvious linking is
OK, but, a close-type link from verses 2 to 3 is followed by another between 3
and 4.
The third and fourth verses
both begin with prepositional phrases.
It is unfortunate that the
plural first person of the hokku is repeated in #3. Without the one word
"us," this would be much improved.
The wakiku (#2) is wonderful
as is the #11 blossom stanza.
The concluding #12 is
unusual and effective as the ageku.
Overall -- the shifts are
wide-ranging; many of the links are subtle and fun to read.
